


Rooting For You

by lostinscarif, unforciablecure



Category: Coronation Street
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, Developing Relationship, F/F, Jealousy, Mutual Pining, Post-Canon, Sneaking Around
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-18
Updated: 2017-11-18
Packaged: 2019-02-04 01:52:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,423
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12760695
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lostinscarif/pseuds/lostinscarif, https://archiveofourown.org/users/unforciablecure/pseuds/unforciablecure
Summary: Rana likes Kate, Kate doesn’t like Rana. Then it gets complicated.





	Rooting For You

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by [London Grammar's 'Rooting For You'.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jqhgXAGP4Ho)

It starts like this;

Rana likes Kate, Kate doesn’t like Rana.

Well, not in _that_ way.

Kate likes Rana as a friend; a friend who has soft and perfectly formed lips when they meet  her own for the first time following a collision course with countless glasses of white wine and afternoon shots. It’s liquid courage in its finest form and even though Kate pushes Rana’s advances away - quite literally - her touch remains lingering on her lips.

Status update: Kate likes Rana.

She just doesn’t tell her. Not yet, at least, so the only instructions offered up are _stay away from me_ and, for the most part, Rana does. They don’t talk. In fact, for around a month, they hardly see each other. Their lives on the street grow to be like ships passing in the night because Rana is getting married to Zeedan and that alone is a flashing red warning in bright bold letters. Kate has to stay away. She can’t get involved.

But it’s too late.

It’s too late because days upon days’ worth of sombre moods and lonely drinks sipped in a corner of The Rovers have given way to that; to the attempts to dull and numb both curiosity and attraction. Work is, well, _work_ but it’s only then – in the bistro - when Kate’s eyes drink in Daniel and his very own dilemmas with Sinead that Kate realises she’s not alone. She slinks down onto the – now free - seat next to Daniel and together they mope. They mutually mope about failed romance and Kate wonders if that’s what she’s stumbled upon with Rana; failed romance. She tells Daniel – in not so many words because Kate makes sure she keeps it vague - about a friend who has caught feelings for her and admits for the first time that she feels the same. The admission arrives in the same bold and flashing red warning just as before because Rana is involved and that alone should be a valid enough excuse to extinguish any momentary daydreams and forays into dwelling on anything more.

Except, it doesn’t.

It really doesn’t.

 

* * *

 

Rana is getting married. 

It’s not like Kate could ever forget, not when Zeedan asks for her help decorating for the wedding; the wedding which is now only days away. She feels guilty - _incredibly_ guilty - so Kate can’t say no.

It’s a decision she later regrets when Rana arrives home to find her in the kitchen of her home; the one she shares with Zeedan (not like Kate could ever forget). The situation is messy – that’s putting it lightly – and the air around them grows stiff and engulfing with guilt. Kate hasn’t spoken to Rana in weeks - truly, she hasn’t - and frustration brews as anger and they argue. Of course they do. They argue until annoyance becomes stilted, frustration and tension bubbling until it overflows like lava and they start kissing.

It’s mutual kissing.

Lips are soft. Lips linger and they almost get caught.

By Zeedan.

Kate slips away, armed with the knowledge that Rana enjoyed their kiss. Rana kissed her back.

Kate just doesn’t want to accept it for herself.

 

* * *

 

“I wish we could just go back to being friends and I wanted to be with Zee.” 

“Do you wanna be with him?”

“What do you feel about me?”

It’s a roundabout conversation; of half confessions but Kate makes herself clear. Rana wants her to want her but doesn’t want to do detach herself from the wedding and, ultimately, from Zee. Things could never work out between them in the given scenario. It’s a messy tangled weave of deception and lies. Rana, after all, has a wedding to prepare for.

The rings Zeedan passes to Kate for safe keeping are yet another painful stab to her jugular and a reminder that what they’ve both fallen into is very, very wrong.

But it feels right.

 

* * *

 

It’s predictable but Kate feigns illness on the morning of the wedding.

It’s not exactly an exaggeration because she genuinely feels sick and definitely tastes guilt twisting and springing into life as it engulfs her soul. Her throat becomes dry and her voice grows hoarse.

News travels fast, it seems, because Rana appears at her flat barely an hour after breakfast and Kate knows Alya had everything to do with it.

Rana wants confirmation, wants Kate to say the word and she won’t go through with it; that she’ll stop the wedding, and it’s all too much. Kate isn’t that person, isn’t the bad guy and she won’t be made to be. Kate tells Rana, feeling her anger and frustration rise up and before she knows it, she’s pushing Rana out of the door.

Kate cries and then she gets drunk. The technical term is blitzed.

Liquid courage, they say, goes a long way. She’s channelling her inner Rana and that thought in itself is enough to send another mouthful of wine swirling down her throat until Kate grabs her phone and dials. How many weddings, she wonders, have been stalled by a phone call?

Rana doesn’t answer. It just goes straight to voicemail so Kate leaves one. It’s a last ditch attempt but the words form easy, even if she knows later she’ll grow to regret them.

 _Don’t go through with it_ she urges in not so many words. She wants them to be together. Kate’s inhibitions have been smoothed out, relaxed by the effects of alcohol and her words are honest. She faces up to her feelings with alcohol reverberating around her veins. Kate does want them to be together, truly, but time is a cruel master.

Time is a cruel master because Rana doesn’t listen to the voicemail and she says the two words she had uneasily awakened to, resting dry and tainted on the edge of her tongue because Rana said ‘I do’.

Rana said "I do." and Kate really wishes she hadn’t.

Kate crashes the reception if only to make one thing clear to Rana; she’s married now and her marriage isn’t going to fade away as easily as the throbbing headache Kate will have lingering in the morning.

 

* * *

 

They avoid one another, mostly, after the debacle at the registry office, after teary confessions and Kate really wonders how her life ever grew to become this complicated.

Mutual avoidance lasts a week. One whole week.

Zeedan is blissfully unaware of it all and maybe that’s what’s eating away at Kate’s conscious the most, like a powered up Pacman. Zeedan appears to be happier now, cracking more smiles than usual as he slides around the shiny kitchen floor of the bistro and Kate hates herself more than anything else.

Zeedan has some kind of an emergency, something about a last minute twenty first birthday party booked at the bistro towards the end of November and Michelle pencils him in for covering the catering because of everything that’s happening with Robert. This normally wouldn’t be an issue but it just so happens to coincide with the day of the so-called ‘meals on wheels’ food van travelling to a football match out of town. Zeedan rounds on his heels and practically begs Kate to go with Rana because she’s _literally_ _the only one he trusts_. Oh, the irony.

The reception she receives when Zeedan delivers the suggestion to Rana is lost somewhere between jubilation, surprise and the frostiness of a cold hearted ice queen and Kate is left feeling more confused and irritated. If this is Rana now – in the Bistro and in the evening – how are they going to survive being wedged together, alone, in the van? They’ve barely spoken in recent days.

“Great idea.” Rana chimes in, offering a too bright smile which only reads as false even with the addition of shiny, white teeth. “If that’s alright with you?” Rana’s voice is cold, detached. She blinks as she holds Kate’s gaze. It’s all challenging, lingering with tension. “Unless you have plans?”

Kate returns the smile. Two can play at this game. Her smile is just as false, just as firm an illusion.

“What are friends for.”

 

* * *

 

Everything is as awkward as imagined between them but surprisingly on track.

At least, that is, until the food van they’re travelling breaks down.

There’s arguing and open van hoods and it all concludes together in a shared moment of equal honesty as they both admit aloud what’s been playing on their minds.

“I’ve been an idiot and I shouldn’t have pushed you away” Kate offers, sighing as she breaks the ice. She stares at the wide span of empty road situated in front of them as they both sit, deflated and numb in the confines of the van. They’re waiting on breakdown rescue – in the form of Luke - arriving and by each lingering moment of awkward silence, it seems increasingly more unlikely that his offer of a rescue is going to be fulfilled. It’s not just the van that needs repaired, though, it’s their friendship.

“You’re not the idiot here, I am.” Rana says, after a moment. She breathes, deep, looking annoyed with herself. “Too much choice.” she reflects.

“ _Too much choice_?” Kate glances around, shifting in the passenger seat as she fidgets with her seatbelt. “You _chose_ Zeedan. You married him!”

“You didn’t let me finish.” Rana adds, quietly, shifting. “I _did_ choose him, but for all the wrong reasons.”

“And me being here isn’t exactly helping.”

Rana’s voice colours with desperation. “But don’t you understand, I had to, alright? I had to marry him!”

“You had a _choice_ , Rana. There’s always a choice.”

“Because everything’s always so clean cut!” Rana rolls her eyes. “You haven’t met my mum or my brother. If they knew I was...” Rana voice trails off as she closes her eyes, stalling her train of thought. “You know I’m sorry, sorry for all of this. I shouldn’t have put that pressure on you because you’re right. There is always a choice. I just, I- I didn’t choose you and you have no idea how much that’s killing me inside.”

Rana’s eyes form watery when they reopen and she swipes away a falling tear.

“I can’t stop thinking about you.” Rana admits, biting her bottom lip. She feels self-conscious but now a degree more comfortable. The silence of the country side where they’re currently marooned has made for an apt backdrop for unfolding confessions. “But I understand, if- if you never want to speak to me again." 

“It’s not exactly been… easy for me, either.” Kate swallows. Her admission evokes wide eyes.

Rana’s teary attention is rooted to her own. “I know we should stop this but I…”

Another tear falls. Rana breathes with anticipation.

“ _But_ … what?”

Kate bites her cheek. She’s fighting an inward battle her body and mind has already succumbed to.

“But I can’t stop thinking about you.”

There’s a moment shared between them; of bright eyes and a shimmer of something they’re both trying their best to deny. Rana’s voice is shaky as it spikes with interest, her heart following suit. Her wet tears are now drying.

“Y-yeah?”

Kate nods, glancing away. “Everything inside of me is screaming at me to stop yet, here I am. I keep coming back for more.”

Rana is quiet as she glances away, facing the road. “Snap.”

“You’re with Zeedan. We should stop this before we can’t. Before it crosses a line we can’t step back from.”

They both know it’s true. Kate is the voice of reason and yet they both sit armed with the knowledge - confined to the space of the van - that they’re never going to be able to fully pull away, back up.

“So, I’ll leave him.” Rana urges, eyes betraying her desperation. “I can’t just now but I will. We just got married! I can’t just go breaking his heart. It’s not even been a month yet.”

“What are you saying, Rana? That we start seeing each other on the side, strike up an affair?”

“I mean-” Rana pauses. “It’s not ideal but-”

“ _God_ , listen to yourself. I’m not an experiment! Something you’re just trying on to see how best fits!”

“I know that.” Rana sighs, exasperatedly. “I just, I- I need some time, yeah, to get my head together, to figure myself out.”

“And in the meantime, you’re just gonna do your best to mess with mine?”

“I- I want to be with you.”

“You’re married to Zeedan!”

“ _So?"_

“So that’s rule number one on why we shouldn’t be doing any of this!”

“I’ll leave him.”

“While your signatures still wet on the marriage certificate? Great idea!”

“ _Exactly!_ So I’ll give it a few months. I have to wait. You know it’ll break his heart.”

“Which is why we should stop; stop this before it becomes more.”

“I know I can’t promise anything.” Rana says, after a moment and Kate just about refrains from rolling her eyes. “I’m just… You don’t think this has knocked me for six? I’ve never felt like this before!”

“Never?”

Rana shakes her head, glancing down as crimson springs to dilute her cheeks. “I don’t want this to be another time, another place. I need to know.”

“And I don’t want to be your bit on the side.”

“You won’t be.” Rana says, quickly. “Just give me time.”

“ _Give you time_?”

“Until New Year; to tell Zee.”

“And in the meantime?”

“In the meantime… we- we could see each other.”

“You don’t get to have your cake and eat it, Rana! This is so messed up.”

“Then tell me you don’t want it.” Rana’s eyes linger on Kate’s, her eyes bright and no longer spiralling with tears. “Tell me you don’t want it and we’ll close this chapter; close this book and never speak of it again.”

Kate inhales. Her lips have gone dry. She’s weighing up the pros and cons of a having an affair, of sneaking around, and wondering when and where she lost her moral high ground on the subject of cheating and mixing romance together with a seemingly ‘straight’ friend. Kate blinks, attempting to salvage some resistance as Rana inches closer, her touch landing gently on her neck. She swallows, deep, as Rana’s breath trickles across her lips, tantalising and hypnotic. Rana’s eyes are bright pools of temptation, lips red and kissable and Kate realises that the current realisation is _not_ helping to dull down the magnetic tug and pull she can feel drawing her in.

Rana’s voice is cool and quiet, subtle in its delivery of seduction. “You just have to say the word.”

For the record, no words are spoken.

Lips replace words, Kate falls victim and Rana’s actions are fiery, are fierce. Temptation is engulfing and set alight.

That’s how it starts.

 

* * *

 

They agree to take things slow, which for the most part, is a promise met halfway.

Rana exudes seduction - and enthusiasm - and Kate could be mistaken but she’s flirting with the notion that Rana enjoys all the sneaking around. The festive period is coloured by secret make outs; in the empty bathroom stalls of The Rovers, in the flat when Alya and Luke are out on a date night, and even once when they’re left alone in the kitchen of the bistro. The higher the risk, the more enjoyable it seems.

“You know, I’m beginning to think someone gets off on all this sneaking about, eh?” Kate asks, between one too hot and too heavy liaison in her flat. She’s out of breath, all flushed faced as Rana pins her to the couch. Luke and Alya are away for the weekend, Zeedan is working late and they’re both making the most out of what the situation has offered up.

“Oh, you love it even more than I do.” Rana answers, pressing another kiss, lips lingering. Kate knows it’s true. They get back into it; into losing track of time with soft lips until Kate breaks away when Rana’s hands slip underneath her dark shirt. Rana’s hands are cold.

“ _Whoa_. What happened to taking things slow?”

“To hell with slow.” Rana says, breathing her words with emphasis as she inches closer, lips coloured with smudged lipstick. She has Kate to thank for that. “That promise died when I discovered you had abs.”

Rana’s hands are drifting downwards - dangerously and delicately - to unbutton Kate’s shirt and the simple action is enough to cause some delay between thought and motion. Rana inches closer, her lips almost upon her own. She breathes out a cool puff of air, one which feels hypnotic and equally itchy.

“Don’t you want me?”

Kate nods, her breathing unsteady. “Just... figured you’d want to wait. You know, take things slow.” Rana raises an eyebrow. “Your words, not mine.”

“But that was before, when kissing was enough.” Rana’s lips crease, twisting into a smile; an almost smirk. “It’s no longer enough.”

Kate tries to breathe, tries to function. Rana is gazing at her like she’s prey and Kate has never understood that term of phrasing right up until this moment because, willingly, she has walked in to be caught up and tangled in Rana’s weaved web and wholeheartedly it’s not a regret.

“You should be pleased to learn that I’ve been doing a little research.” Rana whispers, smirking as her hands glide to unbutton the rest of Kate’s shirt.

“I-into what?”

“ _Hmm_. Maybe I’ll just have to show you instead.”

Rana does.

Oh, Rana does.

 

* * *

 

“My skin is burning. I feel like I’m on fire.”

Rana isn’t being over dramatic, it’s true. She’s lying on her side, bed covers creased and messy as she watches Kate attempt to steady her breathing. They’ve lost track of time but for all the right reasons.

“I’ve never felt this... _hot_ before.”

Kate shoots her a sceptical look, shifting on her back.

“Warm, I mean.” Rana scrunches her face, smirking. “I’ve always been hot.”

“You don’t half think highly of yourself.” Kate laughs. “But yeah, I know what you mean.”

“That was...”

“Amazing?”

“ _So_ amazing.” It must be true because Rana’s eyes are shining. She’s excited. “Wanna go again?”

“Do we have time?” Kate asks, after a moment when temptation lingers. She’s doesn’t want to know, immediately regretting the question she’s posed because after everything that’s unfolded between them, Rana is still married. She’s slept with a married woman and Kate wonders how she ever became this person.

“ _I’ve_ got time…” Rana says, her words falling ticklish on Kate’s lips as she draws closer. “…if _you’ve_ got time.”

They’ve got time.

 

* * *

 

Sleeping together changes everything. 

It isn’t, however, a common occurrence; it’s whenever they can.

It’s when Kate’s got a free shift and Alya and Luke are out of town. It’s when Zeedan swaps his shifts and works late. Sometimes it’s hurried and sometimes it’s slow, drawn out, as if they’re savouring the moments shared between them like they could be their last; which is - with each passing day - an increasingly plausible scenario.

The sex isn’t just good, it’s great. It’s draining in the best possible of ways and Rana might be new to the whole thing - the concept of sleeping with women - but it doesn’t show. Kate sees a new side to her friend, immediately realising that she’s struck up a liaison with a seductress. Rana bleeds seduction, tugging Kate in with oozed confidence and bright eyes and red lips. They kiss a lot.

Sneaking around has both its pros and cons. Date night, however, is definitely a con.

Zeedan springs the suggestion upon Kate when she’s least expecting it because, as he says, they don’t hang out as much anymore. It’s the old standard _let’s put the band back together_ conversation. Kate’s hesitation forms as a slackened jaw but before she can lie and say that she has plans, Alya has slid across the bistro floor to express her agreement. Kate knows it’s a disaster from the get go but as they head into town with her eyes lingering on Rana’s hand in Zeedan’s hand, she wants to feign sudden illness and head back home.

“You sure you’re okay with this?” Alya asks, as soon as they’re in a bar. The lights are low as they locate a booth and Kate shakily nods her head, trying her best to dispel any feelings of much the opposite; of the truth.

“ _Hmm_?”

“You’re flying solo amongst us couples.” Alya’s expression forms with sympathy. “Would make the best of us feel put out.”

“It’s fine, honest.” Kate winks. It’s a lie, completely and everyone’s eyes are on Kate’s but the heaviest gaze is being exuded from Rana. She looks a mixture of annoyance and frustration, sprinkled with a brief and minor showering of guilt.

“Just keep the PDA to a minimum, yeah.” Kate adds.

Alya gasps, bumping her friend’s shoulder. “Uh, you heterophobe!”

Kate laughs and the other’s join in too, one by one, all except for Rana who holds her laughter. Her gaze remains blank, her expression hollow. They order drinks, growing lost to faint chatter which seems all too innocent compared to the real life drama they’ve set alight between them. They keep things civil between them – normal – and when they both meet in the bathroom, alone for the first time in the night, their lips collide as soon as the room as been judged as empty and Rana, ever enthusiastic, smudges her too bright red lipstick.

And then the door opens.

“You’re a right pair, you are. Can’t even nip to the loo without one another.”

It’s Alya.

Somewhere between the echo of her voice, they break apart and Rana pushes Kate away from her until she stumbles backwards into a vacant stall.

Rana faces the mirror of the bathroom, all flushed face, as she whips out her lipstick to reapply. She can feel adrenaline powering through her more so than the glasses of wine she’s sipped since arrival.

“We’ve got a whole town to paint red!” Alya grins, appearing to the right of Rana. “Redder than Rana’s lipstick!”

Alya is none the wiser.

“We’ll have to find Kate a girl.” Alya says, later, when they’re back at the table with wiggling her eyebrows. “She’s the odd one out.”

“The only singleton!” Luke chimes in, his arm wrapped around Alya’s waist.

“We could always head to your favourite haunt; the village.” Alya suggests.

“Guys, I’m fine.” Kate sighs, faking a too bright smile for the disappointment she feels sparking into life in the pit of her stomach.

“Gotta find you a girl” Alya singsongs. “You are an eligible lesbian after all. The rare Pokémon!”

“Eligible, pfft.”

“Well, you are single aren’t you?”

Kate feels Rana’s gaze on her own. Her heart is beating like crazy, unsteady, and she feels light headed. But then again, Kate has felt that way ever since Rana through her for a loop by kissing.

“Last time I checked, yeah.”

“Then what are you waiting for? It’s been months since Imogen.”

It’s not a case of what Kate’s waiting for. It’s who.

“Wanna head there after we finish these?”

Zee murmurs his agreement and Rana wants to run away. She soothes her fiery thoughts of protest and the temptation to storm away from the bar by a bitterly cast “great idea”.

Inside, however, Rana is left seething.

 

* * *

 

The next time they fool around in Kate’s flat, Rana leaves evidence of where her lips have tainted, of the skin she’s bruised by kissing. 

Kate has to wear polo neck jumpers for the duration of a week as she waits patiently for the violent hickeys colouring her neck to fade.

It’s cold outside so, at least, she has a reasonable excuse.

 

* * *

 

“What are we doing?”

It’s a question which has rested in near permanent residence ever since kissing grew into more and the line which Kate had talked about initially has been erased from existence forever.

They’re in Kate’s flat – a frequent place for illicit hook-ups – and Kate poses her question after salvaging energy during a brief pause between kissing (kissing which, of course, hints at more)

Rana’s smile is flirty as she reaches out to caress Kate’s face. “Enjoying ourselves?”

“No, Rana.” Kate keeps her voice calm. “What are we doing?”

By the expression on Rana’s face, she’s confused.

“What-”

“We’re sneaking about. Living two lives.”

“So you don’t want to be with me?”

“It’s not that. I do. You know I do but I don’t think I can continue to do this. The sneaking about, the deception. It’s not healthy. For the both of us. You go home to Zeedan and you wake up beside him. You even wear his ring but I want that to be me; what I want to do.”

“You want to get _married_?”

“Don’t deflect. You know what I mean”

Rana draws closer and Kate hates herself but she twists her head away, salvaging some protest. Their lips don’t meet but Rana’s warm eyes grow cold as they collide with Kate’s.

“We need to stop this.” Kate says.

“ _Why?_ Everything is fine.”

“Maybe for you! Not for me.”

Rana huffs, shifting from her position on the couch. “You said you wanted to do this. That you didn’t mind.”

“Don’t you dare turn this around on me.” Kate’s voice breaks. “You told me you’d leave him. You said you would, after New Year. _In_ the New Year.”

“And I will. I _will_ but-”

“There’s always a _but_. He deserves to know.”

“I just need time!”

“Look around. You have all the time in the world.”

“I-I don’t.”

“I… I don’t think we should see each other.”

“You don’t mean that. Kate...”

“You don’t know what I mean. I can’t keep doing this.”

“I don’t want this to end.”

“And you think I do? I’m tired of being your bit on the side and that’s what I am. I’m the other woman who you kiss behind closed doors. I just... I have to go.”

“ _Please_ , don’t- _don’t_ go”

“I have to.” Kate says. “My shift starts soon.”

“We’ll- we’ll talk about this, yeah?”

“Nothing’s gonna change, Rana. You know how I feel.”

The words urge _fight for me_.

Rana has never fought for anyone in her life.

Until Kate.

 

* * *

 

They don’t talk and they definitely don’t kiss. 

Avoidance is the norm.

 

* * *

 

“Earth to Connor.” Daniel’s voice rings in her ears.

“I was spacing again, wasn’t I?”

“Wouldn’t think it, what with that blank expression on your face.” Daniel pauses, resting over the table. They’re sat facing each other in a booth in The Rovers. “Something on your mind?”

Kate exhales. “It’s… nothing.”

“Say it again. Once more with feeling.”

“It’s just... _ugh._ ”

“Well put.” Daniel sips his beer.

Kate sighs. In all honesty, she needs a friend, needs a confidante. The secrets and the lies are wearing away from the inside out. Kate swears she has stress lines on her forehead.

“This is just between you and me.” Kate begins, quietly. It’s an admission in a public space. She has to be careful.

Daniel nods. “Wouldn’t have it any other way.”

“I’ve been… seeing someone; a friend.”

“ _Ooh_ , scandalous.”

“She’s involved.” Kate swallows, gazing at her glass of wine. “She’s… married.”

“A married woman.” Daniel’s eyes widen. “Been there before.”

“I feel awful. I am _not_ that person. At least, I used to think so. Now I don’t know what I am.”

“It’s simple. Do you make her happy?”

Kate nods. “Yeah- but-”

“And she makes you happy? Then what’s the problem?”

“Oh, I don’t know, maybe the _giant ring_ on her finger. Her husband!”

“She’s obviously unhappy.”

“If she’s struck up a fling with me, you mean?”

“That’s- that’s not what I meant.” Daniel places his beer on the table, grinning with curiosity. “How long have you two been…?”

Kate exhales. “Too long to stop now.”

“And she doesn’t want to break up her marriage?”

“She keeps… putting it off. Always has an excuse. Says she wants to wait a bit, see how things go.”

“Sounds… complicated.”

“That’s putting it lightly. What should I do? Cut my ties and run?”

“Depends.”

“On?”

“How much you like her but most importantly; how she feels about you. Talk to her; figure it out. It’s only then when you’ll know.”

“You make it sound easy.”

“Hey, the heart wants what the heart wants. If it were easy, there’d be nothing to fight for.”

Kate scrunches her face. “You should write greeting cards.”

“What makes you think I don’t?” Daniel grins.

“Thanks for the pointers.”

“Anytime.” Daniel takes another mouthful of his beer. “Deep down, you both know what you want.”

Maybe, just maybe, Kate does.

 

* * *

 

Truth or dare is not a game Kate has ever enjoyed. 

It peels back various degrees of physical and metaphorical masks and, coupled with the addition of flowing alcohol, is a recipe for disaster. Mixing in the fact that you’ve been carrying on with your previously seen as straight friend who is also married to one of your co-workers delivers as a powerful potent. This hangover is sure to be a bitter one. Things are hanging on the edge with Rana again, not that you’d ever think it by the pleasant, almost too friendly facade they’ve both amassed in the sliding days. With the pause button firmly set on their relationship, the tension is unbearable.

And then the game of truth or dare happens.

It’s Alya’s idea of a perfect Friday night, of course it is, and crowded around the flat in a circle are all the usual suspects. There’s Luke, ever curious, sat next to Alya and then there’s Zeedan and Rana who are sitting together on one seat. Kate doesn’t dare risk a glance. She’s feeling more than the third wheel tonight.

“I can’t believe we’re playing this.” Rana gasps. She’s a little drunk so her words unfold a little blurry. “What are we, twelve?”

“It’s Kate’s turn!” Alya enthuses, silencing Rana, who scowls. “So, Kate, truth or dare?”

Kate had picked dare in the last round so she goes with truth to throw a spin on things.

“Right, _ooh._ ” Alya grins, wide-eyed. “Last girl you snogged the face off of?”

Kate bites her tongue as the two syllable name of _Rana_ falls on the edge of her tongue. It was a damn good kiss, the kind that knocks you from your feet, swaying as a heat crosses to tarnish your skin. The confession almost trickles out - Kate’s had too much gin - but she relents, catching herself before it can.

“Didn’t catch her name. Was in a club the other week.”

“You kept that one quiet!”

“Well,” Kate says. “You never asked.”

“So, go on.” Alya presses. “What was she like?”

Kate thinks fast on her feet, choosing to stay close and parallel to the truth. “Dark hair, great lips.”

“Is that your type then?” Alya asks, holding her glass as she grins.

“I’m flattered, Alya, but you’re with Luke.”

Everyone laughs. Rana doesn’t.

“I didn’t mean- oh _shut up_." Alya laughs. "And FYI, _I_ am not the only one here with dark hair and great lips, eh Rana? Sorry, boys.”

Rana ignores the implication, shifting as she turns to ask Zeedan if he’d like another top up. He offers her his glass and Rana almost falls as she steps up from her seat. As she stumbles across the floor, her gaze meets Kate’s. It’s all fire and attraction, and if the preceding weeks have taught Kate anything, Rana wants to either kiss her or kill her. Turns out, it’s the former.

Luke and Zeedan step out to go grab a bottle of cola from the street while Alya disappears towards the bathroom, leaving Rana alone with Kate. The tension spiralling between them threatens to suffocate the room.

They argue with harsh, stunted words, and just like almost always, lips meet equally as harsh. Kate isn’t as tipsy as Rana is but her fight to deny her feelings is firmly silenced as soon as Rana’s touch lingers on her waist.

But as footsteps and chatter flood back into the room, just like almost always, Rana pushes Kate away.

Not far enough away from her heart, though.

 

* * *

 

The ultimatum is served midweek on a Wednesday.

“It’s me or Zee.” Kate urges. She’s been crying, her voice sounds worse for wear and worn down. Rana knows this even as they keep their distance with mutual folded arms and creased foreheads in Kate’s flat. Kate glances up. Her eyes have been rooted to the floor and her voice breaks. “I can’t keep doing this.”

Rana knows, god, Rana knows. Knows that they should’ve stopped whatever it is between them months ago.

“And I get it, I do. You’re confused about who you are but I know you aren’t confused about who you have stronger feelings for.” Kate pauses. Her voice sounds almost painful. “Who you...”

“Who I… love?” Rana says, quietly.

Kate nods, wavering. “I can’t keep this up. It’s tearing me apart, from the inside out.”

“And you think it isn’t for me? I haven’t been myself for months!”

“Then we both need to face the music of what we want, _who_ we want.”

“But what if I- what if I don’t know?”

“You do.” Kate urges. “Deep down, you do. Acceptance comes at a price but the only one who can make that happen is yourself.”

“So I’m not gonna see you?” Rana asks. Her voice and expression is so pained, Kate’s heart aches.

“We can still be mates.”

Kate is lying to herself. They could never go back, not now when the sacred line of friendship has been breached, like, fifty kisses ago?

“I don’t want to be mates.”

“Then choose me." Kate urges. "Choose me over Zeedan and we can be together.”

“I- I can’t do that to him.” Rana’s eyes run fresh with tears, mascara running. It should make the following decision but the words form easy. Kate is tired. She swallows the lump in her throat, lodged deep and beginning from her jugular.

“Then I guess we can’t be together.”

Kate swears she hears a crack, a splinter in the room as both of their hearts break simultaneously.

 

* * *

 

Kate throws herself into work and signs herself up for every shift under the sun.

She avoids Luke and Alya by proxy, in the flat, and makes no intention of reaching out to Rana, who she hasn’t seen in weeks. Time and space is what they both need.

Daniel is Kate’s go to friend, offering a sympathetic ear to the developments of a quote unquote “lesbian affair”. After a few beers, Kate confides in him, quietly, that it’s Rana she’s been seeing and to her surprise, Daniel already knows.

“I had a hunch.”

“You did? _How_?”

“Call it intuition.”

“Not a word to anyone! I mean it.”

“Your secrets safe with me.” Daniel says, smirking. “So, _Rana_...”

“Do _not_ say anything!”

“I get to at least tease you about this. As your friend.”

“You better keep schtum.”

“You do know I’m a journalist, right? We don’t keep quiet about anything...”

“Ha Ha, funny.” Kate makes a face. “Not. A. Word”

“My lips are sealed.”

“They bloomin' well better be.”

 

* * *

 

“What’s up with you and Rana?”

Kate should’ve seen it coming, should’ve seen Alya’s eyes shimmer with suspicion through the passing weeks but, alas, she’s been distracted. Throwing herself into work and pushing all thoughts of Rana from her head has been her top priority as of late and it’s only now when she realises that she hasn’t been at all subtle about it.

“You two hardly speak.” Alya says, resting against the couch in the flat. “You’ve not had another falling out, have you?”

Kate shakes her head in protest but Alya seems to have already seen the truth and made her mind up for herself.

“Rana said the opposite.”

 _Great_. They’ve been talking about her.

“She did?”

“Yeah, and it’s got me wondering what you did to deserve such a death stare.”

“No idea. You know Rana, if you forget to compliment her lippy, she gets cranky.”

Alya’s eyes narrow. Kate feels as if she’s under interrogation, like Alya’s eyes are x-raying her soul for inconsistencies in her story; in her alibi.

“Anyway I’ve gotta go. Shift started like... ten minutes ago. Catch you later.”

Alya forces a smile. “Yeah.”

As soon as Kate disappears and the flat door closes, Alya’s smile fades.

 

* * *

 

It’s Friday night and Kate is alone.

The flat is empty - a reward to such a long and boring week - and Kate is sat with her feet up and a glass of red wine gripped firmly in one hand.

The buzzer ringing is unexpected. Alya and Luke had promised an all-nighter so it couldn’t be them plus as flatmates they had keys. Kate knows who it’s going to be before she picks up the intercom.

“ _It’s me._ ” the voice carries, weak. “ _Can I come up_?”

Kate’s hand hovers. It’s as if the button is holding a power over her heart. She fights with the choice before eventually giving in with a deep sigh as she turns to down another mouthful of wine.

Rana appears, as beautiful as always, but it doesn’t take long for Kate’s glazed eyes to widen with worry because Rana has been crying - _is_ crying - and shivering with folded arms as she tries to compose herself. Her eyeliner and mascara is smudged, her cheeks are puffy and red, and Kate forgets weeks and weeks’ worth of tension as she asks her friend if she’s okay. Rana shakes her head, no. _Okay, Kate_ , stupid question.

Kate reaches out, tentatively, as Rana sniffles, eyes watery with tears. It takes a long minute before she composes herself, struggling to form coherent words through sniffles and stunted gasps for breath. Kate holds her, gently, eyes worried but patient.

“I-" Rana stops, freezes, eyes locking onto Kate’s. Rana inhales a breath so deep she feels as if she has been submerged in water. “I told Zee.”

“About-”

“About us.” Rana hiccups. “And he hates me almost as much as I hate myself. I- I just... couldn’t do it anymore.”

“Rana, what are you saying?”

“You asked me to choose.” Rana says, sniffling. “And I- I chose you. I think it’s always been you and I don’t want us to fight anymore. I’m tired; I’m so tired of pretending everything’s alright when all I want is you.”

“This is going to change everything. There’s no going back from this.”

“I know that.” Rana nods, wiping her cheeks. “I tried fighting this and I’m so sorry I pushed you away. I’m so sorry. You don’t know how much I regret it everyday.”

“Let’s not talk about the past, yeah? You’re not alone in this. You have me now and we’ll get through it. Together.”

“You really mean that?”

“Of course I do.”

“I’ve missed you.” Rana breathes. “I’ve missed this. I’ve missed us.”

“So what you’re _really_ trying to say is that I’m a good kisser?”

“Think very highly of yourself, don’t you? I’ll be the judge of that.”

It’s the first time they kiss where it’s not hurried and rushed, and it doesn’t take place in secret, in the forgotten corner of a bathroom stall. It’s slow, meaningful, and a reassurance.

They’re in this together now.

 

* * *

 

The beginning of everything is like wading through the after effects of a tornado stricken town; an apt and perfect metaphor for what’s unfolded. The shells of empty houses are the relationships they’ve torn through; effects of their subsequent chemistry and attraction. 

Sharing a flat with Rana’s now ex-sister in law is definitely as awkward as it sounds and there’s a bitter atmosphere brewing beneath. They avoid each other as much as they can.

Zeedan hasn’t been seen in work since the separation and Kate feels a heavy, heavy ton of guilt about that. He’s taken some time off, apparently, and is out of town somewhere and Kate knows that one day soon she’s going to have to face him.

It couldn’t possibly get any worse - they’ve surely ticked off every box for disarming each friendship and relationship on the cobbles - but it does.

Because Rana gets disowned; disowned by her family.

Rana cries a lot because they erase her like a quickly created Facebook profile, like she’s brought a cloud of shame upon the family name, and being cut out of the pictures means that she no longer fits the frame.

Kate holds Rana, tells her it’s going to be okay and the words are a cooling ooze on an inflamed soul even if she doesn’t necessarily believe that it’s going to be okay.

Things, for the most part, do get better. They find a home in Johnny’s flat, now that he’s leaving for Spain. It’s not quite “theirs” just yet but it will be.

 

* * *

 

“What’re you thinking about?”

Rana is caught off guard, lost to a daydream as she sits on the couch in the flat. _Their_ flat.

“ _Hmm_?”

Kate sighs, gazing at Rana as she nurses a warm cup of tea as she stands in the kitchen. “You’ve gone and got that look.”

“What look?”

“The deep one. The one that says something’s playing on your mind.”

Rana glances down, briefly. She’s been caught but she isn’t annoyed. It still arrives as a surprise just how well Kate knows her. Her girlfriend is kind of perfect. _Girlfriend_. The title still hangs on the edge of her tongue with surprise. They’re together now, officially, and Rana’s head is still wrapping around everything that’s transpired in the passing months.

“I told you to stop doing that.” Rana’s gaze drifts up. She smiles, revealing white teeth. There’s a hint of amusement colouring her voice. “You’re always watching me.”

“You say that like it’s a bad thing.” Kate slides across the floor, eyes glinting. “You can’t help it. You’re easy on the eyes.”

“Stop it with the compliments, babe, or we won’t get any of this planning done.”

“Uh, tea break. It’s all official, like” Kate laughs as she falls back to join her girlfriend on the couch. There’s a few moments of silence as they breathe each other in, eyes trailing around the room and the open pages of Dulux paint catalogues curling at the edges. It’s a distraction, the decorating, after everything they’re both currently living through.

Kate’s eyes drink in Rana as they cuddle together. “You sure you’re okay?”

“I was just thinking about everything; about how we got here.” Rana sighs, closing her eyes. “I was so selfish. I should’ve-”

“Hey- _hey_. You did what you had to and at the end of the day you followed your heart.”

“But I didn’t. Not really.”

Kate sighs. “We’ve been through this already.”

“I should never have went through with it, alright?” Rana admits, guilty. “I chose him when all I wanted was you. You’re wrong; I didn’t follow my heart because if I did, it would’ve led me to you. The thoughts were loud and I just... I didn’t listen to them. I didn’t _want_ to.”

“ _Rana_...”

Rana inhales, meaningful, unspoken words heavy. Kate can sense she’s psyching herself up for something as Rana tugs the cup of tea from her grip, placing it on the coffee table. Kate’s eyes are expectant, expression creasing with curiosity.

“I love you.” Rana reaches out to hold Kate’s hands. “And I’m sorry it took me this long for me to say it. But I do. I love you.”

“Rana…”

“I love your ridiculous laugh, the one you make with the scrunchy face and how you’re always on hand to make me feel better whenever I’ve had a bad day. I love your kindness and your heart. Like how you knew automatically that I wanted to change the colour of this room by just one glance.”

“The death glare was a dead giveaway.”

“Don’t ruin the moment.” Rana’s smile fills her face. “What I’m saying is, you get me. All the little quirks and I love you for it. I even love your hippy get-up.” Rana pauses. “Okay. That’s a lie.”

“Cheeky!”

" _Honest._ " Rana’s grin is bright. “But it's nothing that can’t be worked on.”

“Bar the fashion digs…” Kate hums, tilting her head as if to dramatize thinking. “I guess you’re not too bad yourself.”

“ _Oi_. I just poured my heart out and that’s all you can say?” Rana is pretending to be pissed and that makes Kate love her even more.

“I love you too, you fool. Always have.” Kate draws their lips together, meaningful as she tugs Rana closer. “Always will.”


End file.
